I think I have been putting this off for long enough. My last post was nearly a year ago. My, my, my; how things have changed--for the better HALLELUJAH! I skimmed over the last blog just so I would know where I left off and it nearly made me have a heart attack. Last year (especially April, May, June, and July) was the worst time of my life. I literally thought I would die.
Last blog was about stents being placed. Thank God I have forgotten some details. What I do remember literally makes me sick at my stomach, my heart race, and tears flow. I was alone most of the time. In the PICU you can not eat, drink, or shower. I could shower every once in a while if I signed up for a room in the RMD (at 1pm daily) but I barely had enough energy to make it to the other end of the hall. I ate once a day and/or if my sweet cousin Kim brought me something. (If it werent for her I do not know what I would have done). I cried or slept most of the time. Sunni was not well enough to hold or play with. She slept most of the time too. I could go on and on but really this is about Sunni.
Shortly after the stents were placed they knew they had to remove them. One had slipped down into her heart and the other into her kidneys. This meant she had to have open heart surgery. The doctors were not optimistic. The heart surgeon had confidence the whole time.......but the team didnt. They told us she was already weak and that she had already lost a lot of blood and was sure to lose a lot more with the surgery.
They let us bring the boys back the night before to have "dinner" with Sunni. I felt like they were asking us to have "the last supper." The next morning before she went back I truly felt like we were saying goodbye. I prayed harder than I ever had. I was really mad at God at this time but I knew He was listening. I told Him that if Sunni was going to die within the next year or keep suffering like she had to PLEASE TAKE HER IN THIS SURGERY. Take her while she is out. And do it peacefully. I was going to be so mad at Him if he did not listen to me. I was pretty convinced this was it. It hurt.
|Right Before Surgery|
What seemed like the longest surgery she had been through we got news that her surgery went good. All stents were removed successfully and they did not have to do as many things as they originally thought. I could not believe it. I was happy and mad at the same time. When I first saw her it was so hard. She looked terrible. Her surgery was a success in their eyes but I was looking at my baby with lines coming out of every appendage. A chest wired and sewed up. Scars everywhere. It hurts to even think about now.
What made me the most mad about it was she would never had to go through it if those stents werent placed. They never had every teams "ok" or agreement to place them in the first place. It was so maddening. She recovered fairly quickly from this surgery and was moved back to the general floor were we spent the rest of May, June, and July. It was a battle of trying to get her on the right amount of milk and off of oxygen. She had another surgery in June to do a fundo and a few other things.
|Looking MUCH better!|
Next blog will be about how she is now......This one has exhausted me. Sorry.
PS..Dear Raelyn, thank you for all your sweet comments. I saw them all. And I was very selfish not to write anything back. I have been trying to heal since I got back in July. I hope you forgive me :)